Recognizing Your Gifts

Gifts. Romans 12:3,6-8 "For by the grace given me, I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you... We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

CAMEL ROCK 11/4/07

Surfing. I would be lying if I said I was good or if I said I had no reservations when it came to the ocean. I have discovered many things about myself while I have lived in California. I wouldn't necessarily say Ben and I came here to "find"ourselves. I don't think we came because California is the place where dreams are made. We came here as individual people out for an adventure. We came here to leave our normal Indiana life.

One thing I found attractive in my husband was his excitement to travel and his willingness to be uncomfortable in a new situation. We knew we could learn from stepping out of our mid western bubble. 1 1/2 years later I am quite certain that bubble does not exist around us anymore. On a personal level, my comfort bubble burst somewhere between 110 degree heat, 600 feet up in Zion National Park or while I smacked myself silly due to swarms of mosquitoes in the middle of Glacier National Park. After experiences like that I became certain that I could hold my own in most outdoor situations. That is until recently I came to the conclusion that I have some serious qualms within myself regarding the Pacific Ocean. Since living on the "North Coast" I could probably only count on 2 hands the amount of times I have had actual fun in the water. It is a daunting ocean up here! One that is littered with other surfers on good days and one that is a host to many hidden rocks, kelp beads, and worst of all sharks.

Yet, after 3 years of being able to surf, I still manage to beat myself up over the battle within me, to surf or not to surf? I have reached a plateau in my talent, or "gift" shall I say. I am not sure it is even an actual gift yet. I know I have the gift of balance. I have the gifts of drive and determination. I also have the "gift" of being stubborn.

Last weekend there was a fierce battle inside of my head whether or not to go out into the ocean with Ben. There was no doubt in his mind but I just felt to awkward or to nervous to go out. I actually have yet to pinpoint my reason for holding off. The first day we were up north, I said to myself, "oh, definitely not. I don't think I should today". And while Ben suited up and ran to the water, I placed my blanket neatly on the sand with my nalgene of water, a book, and a sweatshirt. I didn't read that afternoon. Instead I watched as all the other surfers played around in the water and as all the beach goers were content playing frisbee. I was not content. I was seriously pissed off! I couldn't stand the idea of myself giving up. All of the sudden I am realizing that I have lost my passion for all of the things that I love. I haven't sang in over a year. I haven't danced in a very long time! I haven't even played my guitar in probably over 2 years. This was eating me up inside. How is it that I am in such a beautiful part of the world but have lost my desire to do the things that I love? Ben came running out of the water to double check with me that I was sure I didn't want to get in. By that time I was in the middle of a fight with myself. I looked at him and a tear came streaming down my face. What was wrong with me? I wanted to scream. This is not me! This is not who I am! I do things for myself. I go for things. I can do what you do. Maybe I was too prideful? I know I can't just get in the water and expect to be as good as some of the other weathered surfers. It is a fact. Practice, determination, taking chances, and most of all believing in myself, would help me overcome this bump in the road. The next day we drove to the beach with every intention of good surf and a fun time. We arrived and as I peered over the edge of the cliff and down at the water, 40 little black suits with people in them met my eye. I immediately retreated into my shell. "No, no way can I do this." I said to myself and maybe out loud to Ben. Because he grabbed my hand and told me that I can. He believed in me.

Eventually, with the help of my confident husband, I found myself in my tight neoprene wetsuit with board in hand heading out to the water where I in fact can do that. Hopefully these little victories will rekindle my other passions. If you do not use your gifts, what then are they inside of us for? They are blessings.