Bend Oregon, McMenamins Old St. Francis School Hotel.

The Turkish Soaking Pool.

This is so amazing. To anyone who travels to Bend Oregon. I recommend the Mcmenamins Old St. Francis Hotel. Splurge a bit and enjoy the Hammerhead package where you get two Hammerhead Ales, 50 dollars for dinner, 20 dollars for breakfast and access to all of the interesting amenities. Such as the Turkish Soaking Pool, outdoor beer garden/courtyard, the brewery and pub is connected to the hotel and the rooms, don't get me started on the rooms! The rooms are beautifully decorated with a very log cabin feel with warm colors and cherry colored wood. We are having a great time and will continue to explore Bend for another day.

The John Butler Trio concert was last night and left us feeling like we had expereinced a revival of sorts. We stood front row, 3 feet from the trio and felt every strum of the stand up bass. I even got to walk off with the set list that was taped to the floor. I wish I could relive it all right now. O.K. I am signing off for now but to all you travelers out there, I wish to tell you that there is nothing wrong with taking off in the middle of the week for a mini vacation with your mate. This is livin'.

Re-directed

After discussing some of the previous issues I had talked about I came to the realization that(with the help and point of view from my mother) opinions are necessary. Also, depending on what age you are, what twists and turns your personal life has taken, then you will have differences of opinions about people, places, and happenings. Really it is what makes our beautiful world go round. Being individual is essential.

Sense?

Everyone has views on the right way to live your life, the correct way to spend your money. People want to make sense out of everything. Is it OK to let something happen and just, well, let it happen? Why do we as a society try to answer everyone else's questions? Isn't one of the biggest lessons the Bible has taught us is if we are without sin, cast the first stone? Before we go pointing out flaws in other people, get that big ole' PLANK out of our own eye! It is much easier said than done when it comes to judgement or meddling in other peoples issues. The least we can do is try and try hard.

This topic comes to my mind because Ben and I went to see 'Into the Wild'. The true story of Chris McCandless who sold and got rid of everything he owned to rediscover life. He set out on an epic journey for freedom which unfortunately cost him his life. He is a modern day hero in my opinion. All he wanted was freedom from normalcy. Essentially he didn't want the typical life after graduating from college. I looked to his point of view to fuel my own ambitious adventures. What upsets me is critics. Even in death human beings will critique the hell out of someones life until no longer is a person remembered for being kind, giving, or funny. After seeing the movie I did some research to find some of the books cited in the film and discovered article after article stating that Chris McCandless was a lost human being or an idiot for not having a map in Alaska.

Great, I am even doing it now, critiquing. No, I hope to be praising this mans willingness to be uncomfortable and to experience life anew.

I read the book in 2004 right after I met my future husband. He actually handed me the book to read and said here is something you might enjoy. I enjoyed the book so much that it apparently solidified emotion within me that tonight welled up in the form of a big lump of tears right in my throat. It was stuck there towards the end of that movie and it took some strength to hold the mother load back. I recall my emotion being drawn from numerous subjects.

Such as, last weekend on the Ten Taypo trail in a redwood grove I dangled my fingertips along the edges of giant ferns. Last Sunday I helped a woolly worm get across the street so he wouldn't get run over. I surfed in a Pacific Northwest rainstorm that shielded my eyes from everything past two feet in front of me. I said goodbye to my Grandfather for the last time at my wedding two summers ago. My husband brought me a sunflower and Gerber daisy just because he appreciates me. My Mom, Dad, and brother are far away at the other end of our big country.
My life is filled with countless, miraculous emotions. Sometimes it is hard to fathom the magnitude of it all. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I have stared out into an actual wall of rain falling on the desert before me. This is what I have chosen for my life. I struggle with accepting right now for what it is.

I shan't try to make sense of it all. Embrace choices.

Recognizing Your Gifts

Gifts. Romans 12:3,6-8 "For by the grace given me, I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you... We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

CAMEL ROCK 11/4/07

Surfing. I would be lying if I said I was good or if I said I had no reservations when it came to the ocean. I have discovered many things about myself while I have lived in California. I wouldn't necessarily say Ben and I came here to "find"ourselves. I don't think we came because California is the place where dreams are made. We came here as individual people out for an adventure. We came here to leave our normal Indiana life.

One thing I found attractive in my husband was his excitement to travel and his willingness to be uncomfortable in a new situation. We knew we could learn from stepping out of our mid western bubble. 1 1/2 years later I am quite certain that bubble does not exist around us anymore. On a personal level, my comfort bubble burst somewhere between 110 degree heat, 600 feet up in Zion National Park or while I smacked myself silly due to swarms of mosquitoes in the middle of Glacier National Park. After experiences like that I became certain that I could hold my own in most outdoor situations. That is until recently I came to the conclusion that I have some serious qualms within myself regarding the Pacific Ocean. Since living on the "North Coast" I could probably only count on 2 hands the amount of times I have had actual fun in the water. It is a daunting ocean up here! One that is littered with other surfers on good days and one that is a host to many hidden rocks, kelp beads, and worst of all sharks.

Yet, after 3 years of being able to surf, I still manage to beat myself up over the battle within me, to surf or not to surf? I have reached a plateau in my talent, or "gift" shall I say. I am not sure it is even an actual gift yet. I know I have the gift of balance. I have the gifts of drive and determination. I also have the "gift" of being stubborn.

Last weekend there was a fierce battle inside of my head whether or not to go out into the ocean with Ben. There was no doubt in his mind but I just felt to awkward or to nervous to go out. I actually have yet to pinpoint my reason for holding off. The first day we were up north, I said to myself, "oh, definitely not. I don't think I should today". And while Ben suited up and ran to the water, I placed my blanket neatly on the sand with my nalgene of water, a book, and a sweatshirt. I didn't read that afternoon. Instead I watched as all the other surfers played around in the water and as all the beach goers were content playing frisbee. I was not content. I was seriously pissed off! I couldn't stand the idea of myself giving up. All of the sudden I am realizing that I have lost my passion for all of the things that I love. I haven't sang in over a year. I haven't danced in a very long time! I haven't even played my guitar in probably over 2 years. This was eating me up inside. How is it that I am in such a beautiful part of the world but have lost my desire to do the things that I love? Ben came running out of the water to double check with me that I was sure I didn't want to get in. By that time I was in the middle of a fight with myself. I looked at him and a tear came streaming down my face. What was wrong with me? I wanted to scream. This is not me! This is not who I am! I do things for myself. I go for things. I can do what you do. Maybe I was too prideful? I know I can't just get in the water and expect to be as good as some of the other weathered surfers. It is a fact. Practice, determination, taking chances, and most of all believing in myself, would help me overcome this bump in the road. The next day we drove to the beach with every intention of good surf and a fun time. We arrived and as I peered over the edge of the cliff and down at the water, 40 little black suits with people in them met my eye. I immediately retreated into my shell. "No, no way can I do this." I said to myself and maybe out loud to Ben. Because he grabbed my hand and told me that I can. He believed in me.

Eventually, with the help of my confident husband, I found myself in my tight neoprene wetsuit with board in hand heading out to the water where I in fact can do that. Hopefully these little victories will rekindle my other passions. If you do not use your gifts, what then are they inside of us for? They are blessings.

Energy Muffins...YUM

When engaged in a consistently active lifestyle, one must learn how to fuel up. Ben and I typically try to bake "power" bread, as we call it, instead of store bought power bars. I recently slaved over the oven and stirred my bottom off over mixing bowls to come up with a "power" muffin. I found the outline of a muffin recipe online (i.e. baking temps and time) but tweaked it a little bit and made it my own. The final result was so delicious and filling that it warded off hunger for most of the afternoon and kept us both going strong on our hike last weekend on the Carruther's Cove trail that just happened to be a 600 ft. elevation change in only 0.8 of a mile.
I will share this wonderful concoction of deliciousness.

Pumpkin Cranberry "Power" Muffins

1 14.5 ounce can pumpkin puree(try to stay organic!)
2 large cage free eggs; lightly beaten
1/2 cup plain yogurt
1/2 cup safflower oil
1 1/2 tsp. Vanilla Extract
3/4 cup UN-bleached flour
3/4 cup wheat bran
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup soy protein
1tsp. baking powder
1tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon sea salt or regular salt
1 cup dries cranberries (or any dried fruit you like better really)

To make:
-Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees
-Put oven rack into middle of the oven
-Mix the pumpkin, eggs, yogurt, oil, and vanilla together in a small bowl
-In a larger bowl combine the flour, bran, sugar, soy protein, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt.
-Then add wet ingredients to dry mix. Stir this until it is combined but don't over combine everything. Fold in the dried fruit.
- Fill your muffin cups and slide them in the oven
-Bake for about 18-20 minutes
-I always check with a toothpick in the middle to see if they come out clean
-Makes about 12 muffins!

So, I hope to whomever finds this recipe will be energized and ready for an amazing adventure. Enjoy!

First Meeting

I have told this story so many times and in so many different ways but I thought it would be appropriate to describe how my life has changed since Ben and surfing have come into my life. I won't get into the gooey details. More so I want to describe how the ideas about my future changed as soon as I heard those words come from his mouth, "I surf".

We both come from America's heartland, good ole' Indiana. The biggest body of water near us was Lake Michigan. Surfing only crossed my mind when I was little and tried to stand on a surf board in my grandmothers pool. Our first conversation on the day we met was primarily about adventures. He already had asked me to hike the Appalachian Trail with him, spilled his love for surfing, and invited me to go road tripping to concerts. We were hitting it off. I really had no idea what I was actually in for.

The first time I went to his college house there were surfboards on the walls, skateboards all over the place, and "Thicker Than Water" playing on the TV. This was the first of many surf videos to come. It took me awhile to understand what surfing was all about and why it was such a great lifestyle. That is until I spent a summer on the Outer Banks of NC that I finally could understand my boyfriend. It was very important to me to feel what he felt out in the water and to hear what he described as the best sound in the world. That sound is of the fin hitting the water and the feeling is complete elation. I worked on my own surfing for about a month until I caught my first real wave. I was slowly beginning to understand. It was more than a hobby, it was a lifestyle. The lifestyle meant that if I were to marry this man someday we would be limited to coastal living. Not that this is bad but it certainly can put a strain on cost of living and location choices. It really never crossed my mind to live near the ocean. In fact, all I decided at that time was that I wanted to leave my hometown and see what the West was like. The lifestyle also means that each day depends on the tides. If the tide is right, we go surfing. Put all else aside and get in the water. I would learn to adjust to constant Weather Channel television and tide books all over our house. We took numerous trips to the Outer banks each year while we dated and when we were back in Indiana for the school year, he would get very cranky over missing the ocean. It is also when we no longer watched blockbuster hits on TV, we would watch countless surf videos over scrambled eggs and toast. I developed my own infatuation for the water, the ocean, and ultimately surfing.

We now live in Northern California where the surf is big, sharky, and very cold. I am finding myself frequently torn between our mountains directly east of us and the ocean 5 blocks west from our house. Weekend adventures now depend on high or low tides considering our best surf break kicks up at low tide. Ben runs out there unabashed and I am left staring a bit longer at the swell coming in contemplating whether or not I may die out there.

Therefore, I have discovered my joy of surfing comes with warm, rolling, waist high waves and a long board. Four years ago I never would have imagined myself waking up at 6:00am to drive north on California's coast for an early morning surf with my husband. Four years ago I never thought that the magnitude and power of the ocean would impact my life so much.

So as life goes, you paddle out, you swallow salt water, catch and ride the wave.

Wrapped in A Fleece Blanket

Mmmmmm, I am wrapped in a fleece blanket nursing a wine and dessert hangover. I don't normally drink as much as I did last night. Wine knows how to creep up on me. Our new neighbors invited us to their wine and dessert party. I was intrigued about the dessert part. But Carrie, our neighbor, made homemade blackberry wine. Woah! I was even more intrigued.
Ben and I had planned to get up this fine Sunday morning and go surfing. After surfing we planned to go jogging on the Rhododendron trail at the Redwood State Park.

I will give you the scene on what is happening instead. Ben just stumbled out of bed. His hair looks like someone had teased it into an afro. He is grinding coffee, gurgling water, and brushing off his shoulders from our heavy night of homemade baklava and blackberry wine. I, well I am just wrapped in my fleece blanket with cold toes and a chilly nose.

Food Network

Yes, Food Network is on my television. Another day in Eureka CA. Winter has come early and the rains have started. This will be my second winter here. The tip of my nose and the tips of my toes are consistantly chilled. I watch food network today because I am going to plan a delicious meal for my main man when he gets home from work. How domestic of me! I may even sweep the carpet and do our laundry. Ben, my husband, willingly takes the trash out, shakes the rugs, and cuts my cantaloupe without any hesitation. He is wonderful!
Because you see, since we aren't just dating anymore, my shaving cream on the floor of the shower, and his leftover carrot shavings in the sink become both of our issues. This is something I love about marriage. My mess is excepted because he loves me and I love him. They are minute details of a household that should never shake the foundation since they can in fact be put right.

Lately I can sense he is a bit antsy. He needs to get in the water. My husbands true desires lie in waves, surfing, top sirloin, the history of pirates, heady beers, and Me. Maybe I can place myself at the top of that list because they, whoever "they" are, say that you can tell a man loves you by the way he looks at you. Ben looks at me with a soft and deep notion that seeps with infinite love. It is quite beautiful really. And as much as he loves surfing or a good brewskie, I am his never too choppy, never closing out, and never to foamy...wife.

Stream if Consciousness

I am heading over to Mel's for some vino. I haven't had wine in a few weeks do to my failed attempt at "Detoxing" my body of toxins. Why would a tincture be labeled "Colon Cleanse" when after 6 days there was no cleansing to be had? I felt very hungry and fatigued. I craved things like cheesy garlic toast coupled with a chocolate milk shake. I usually wouldn't want those two things together. But in any case, I am done with my detox and once again am enjoying a couple of Corona's or a glass of Shiraz.
I am probably in for a night of religious discussion or bad mouthing Humboldt County. We do have these issues in common but I am actually hoping for a night of goofing off and getting a little tipsy with one of my only friends I can hang with out here in CA.
I think subconsciously I have chosen not to make many friends out here because I don't want to make connections that will one day be hard to break free from. Much to my delight I have discovered that being alone in my house or involved in a good book without anyone else around is very enjoyable. I didn't used to be this way. Alas, the vino is waiting and I must be going.
Off I go to hop on my Cannondale and ride downhill to Mel's apartment.